One in seven billion
Helping Friendly Newsletter, 02.19.21
This week: reaction vs. response, eyes on the prize, decolonize your reading, and more…
I am reading and LOVING The Book of Joy, which is a record of 2015 conversations between longtime friends Archbishop Desmond Tutu and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. I will likely be drawing from this material for quite some time, and I can’t recommend it highly enough.
One topic that caught my attention was their discussion of the difference between reacting and responding. A thoughtful response supports relationship, trust, honesty, and compassion—all common goals for kind people navigating difficult situations. Reacting, on the other hand, can block both caring and candor, especially when it stems from negative emotions like fear or anger.
Negative emotions aren’t the culprit, though. They simply are. The important question is what we do with them. This is where intentional response comes in. Here are some techniques suggested by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu to help cultivate compassion for both self and others in the process.
My favorite is this one: Remember that you are one of seven billion humans. Consider how tiny and unimportant you are. (Harsh, sorry—but true for us all.)
Field Notes
This week I’m sharing one of my favorite coaching questions for people and teams who are making a change:
Usually, it takes 3 - 5 layers to uncover a deep, values-based motivator. Getting clear on this will help you keep “eyes on the prize” as you move through the process of change.
Pro tip: Ask with sincere curiosity and compassion (no agenda). This is important whether you are supporting someone else, or coaching to the mirror.
Book Notes
I learned a lot from this article on why and how to decolonize your reading habits.1 A key point is that we should diversify the kinds of books we read from writers of color—continuing to listen and learn about history and the issues, but also “reaching for authors of color when we want a lighthearted, fluffy book.” This is a change I want to embrace, and it should be a fun one. Related, you might enjoy this NPR profile of Beverly Jenkins, “undisputed queen of the Black 19th century romance.”
Treasure Chest
I bet you find a gem! ➔ the sound of a 17,000 year-old shell horn | our newest national park | gross national happiness | RIP Barry Lewis, architectural historian, and Reggie Jones, lifeguard, who both seemed to find joy in their work | emoji trend data2 | an interview with Prince’s personal photographer | future-of-work analysis from mega-realtor CBRE | aerial photos of snow-dusted UVA grounds 💙🧡 | Wendy’s roasting other brands on Twitter3 | Dolly Parton’s humility | this hilarious solution to long meetings
Have a great weekend! I’ll see you again soon.
Jenny
Via Really Good Emails.
Via The Hustle.
Correction: Last week, I misspelled Michael Pollan’s name as “Pollen.” In related news, my perfectionist recovery process is right on schedule. 🤨
